I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
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