I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
