I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He kissed a someone with a penis
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
