dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
