Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
