the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
where does the pee come out of this thing
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize