Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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