you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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