Yo dont text me then not text me
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
