I want to walk on stilts...naked
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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