Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
