i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
