he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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