look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
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