OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
