I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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