So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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