Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
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