why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
