this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
