if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
