This gyro tastes like lonliness
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
