OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
