my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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