The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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