umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
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we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
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This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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