I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
