No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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