my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
