Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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