soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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