okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
