you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
