your thong is hanging out like whoa
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
