i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
