well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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