i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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