bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
