Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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