Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
