My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
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Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
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Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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