I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
