She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
