found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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