so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
