Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
