so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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