honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize