I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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