i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having hate sex.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize