Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
