i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
