he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
