Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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