left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
