It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
