is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
