good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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