his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
