Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
