Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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