I showed him my bush... on skype.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
