the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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