it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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