well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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