i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
