She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
