i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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